At the end of the day, we should remember that everyone is different and we should never make assumptions about someone. In general, an introvert’s way of approaching the world is quite different from an extrovert, but both should be respected. Introverts don’t need to be fixed, just understood.
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Because of our quiet nature, some people may think that introverts wouldn’t make good leaders, but good leadership qualities don’t actually depend on whether you’re introvert or extrovert. A good leader is someone who listens to everyone, is a good communicator, is passionate, and can make decisions. These are all qualities that introverts and extroverts are capable of having, but extroverts are naturally more assertive and enthusiastic and they know how to get people to listen to them, making them more likely to be chosen as a leader. Extroverts know how to get the job done and their enthusiasm can motivate people, but introverts can be good leaders in different ways. Introverts are good listeners which would make them more inclined to really listen to their followers’ ideas and suggestions and by allowing their followers’ voices to be heart, they can easily build trust. Introverts are also extremely observant and intuitive which allows them to get to know their followers better and make the best decisions. Because of how introverts tend to be very introspective, they could also get many things done during their time of solitude.
One very important quality of a leader is passion because if the leader doesn’t love what they’re doing, how are they supposed to motivate their followers? Passion is a trait that introverts are often misunderstood for not having. Just because we don’t look excited about something doesn’t mean we’re not into it, it only seems that way because we are quiet by nature so we have a lack of outward enthusiasm. Introverts are just as emotional as extroverts, maybe even more so, but we usually keep the bulk of those feelings hidden inside. We wear our chaos on the inside where no one can see it, unless you get to know us really, really, really, really, really well. We tend to express our passion through actions, not words, so we definitely would make good leaders. A common misconception about introverts is that they are all shy. People fail to recognize that introversion and shyness are actually two different things, but there is a slight overlap. “Both introverts and shy people tend to avoid socializing at times, but we do so for different reasons. Introverts often stay on the sidelines at social events because socializing drains our energy” and we prefer calmer, low-key environments, but “shy people, on the other hand, avoid socializing out of fear of the unfamiliar. The thought of talking to a stranger, or speaking in front of a group scares them. Instead of worrying about energy drain, they are concerned about making a fool of themselves, or being rejected and judged” (Chung). People who are shy may even experience physical reactions when put in social settings, like blushing or feeling shaky and breathless. Both introversion and shyness can occur separate or together, and it’s just as possible for and introvert to not be shy as it is for an extrovert to be shy. Some extroverts could struggle with stage fright or have a fear of public speaking, but that doesn’t make them an introvert. “But if shyness and introversion are so different, why do we often link them, especially in the popular media? The most important answer is that there’s a shared bias in our society against both traits. The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting quietly in a business meeting may be very different from that of a calm introvert — the shy person is afraid to speak up, while the introvert is simply overstimulated — but to the outside world, the two appear to be the same, and neither type is welcome. Studies show that we rank fast and frequent talkers as more competent, likable, and even smarter than slow ones.” ~ Susan Cain, The Power of Introverts pg. 8 Shyness can actually be overcome, but introversion is a temperament and is in one’s nature. Some people are born with high-reactive temperaments that make them inclined to both shyness and introversion. Sometimes, shy people may become more introverted over time because social life is a source of anxiety and they might discover the joy of being alone. On the other hand, some introverts may become shy after repeatedly receiving the message from peers, teachers, and parents that there’s something wrong with them, the message that we shouldn’t be so quiet. I think this is what happened to me. According to my parents, I wasn’t always so shy. I have always loved people and that showed even when I was a toddler. I used to go around greeting as many people as I could whenever we were out in public. I have always been quiet though, and because of that, people have always told me that I needed to change. I understand why though, society is more geared towards extroverts and teaches children that being outgoing and talkative will get you farther in life. But this shouldn’t be the case, because introverts can be just as accomplished as extroverts.
After a long day at school, I always find myself craving time to just lay on my bed in solitude and scroll through my phone. As I mentioned in a previous blogpost, too much social interaction exhausts introverts and spending time alone is the only cure, but not all alone time is the same, nor are all types restorative. “You can be alone while answering emails in your private office or driving by yourself in rush hour traffic. Your environment may not even be quiet. But this type of alone time probably won't restore your energy. Although there is no one else around, you're not really relaxed. True restorative alone time allows your mind to wander. You stop paying attention to things in the outside world and instead turn inward. You don't think about what's coming next on your schedule or what other people want you to do. You do what- ever you want in the moment, whether it's watching a show on Netflix, listening to music, or reading” (Granneman, 76). Also, alone time doesn't have to be spent completely alone. You could be walking around a park with swarms of people around you, but still receive a boost of energy because you didn’t actually interact with anyone. “Similarly, for many introverts, downtime with their significant other counts as being alone. This is time when you're just hanging out and relaxing, with no real demands on you to act a certain way. You might lounge around the house in your pajamas or read a book on the couch while your significant other sits nearby, playing a video game. Though you're not talking, you're in each other's presence. You're being ‘alone together.’ This can be just as restorative as actually being by yourself” (Granneman, 77).
sunny day where you’re expected to go outside and hang out with friends. Rainy days are the best days to stay indoors and get lost in a book or an art project and just do things I normally don’t have time for.
Solitude is the fuel for an introvert’s life and I really value it. Our society values doing over being. If you’re not actually producing anything, then you’re wasting time. And that includes staring out the window deep in thought. People “play into the idea that downtime is unproductive” (Granneman, 114), but being in solitude can do so much more than just help you relax.
My family and I often have parties with this one big group of friends and I usually hang out with their kids who are my age. Whenever I arrive to a party, I make small talk with them and think nothing of it. But after a while, I start feeling drained and find a quiet place to sit alone and scroll through my phone or something. But soon after that, the noise levels become too much for me and I become very cranky. At that point, I just go follow my parents around annoying them and begging them to take me home until they agree…not my proudest moments… But my research has led me to realize that what I was experiencing is something called the “introvert hangover.” The introvert hangover, or social burnout can have physical and mental symptoms and the experience varies for everyone. For some people, their ears ring, or their eyes start to blur, they feel like they’re about to hyperventilate and get very irritable, and their palms sweat. For me, I get a headache and I become grumpy like a toddler who needs a nap. Most importantly, when someone experiences introvert hangover, they get the overwhelming desire to be alone. While my extroverted friends got energized by the energy and the loud music, I felt mentally exhausted. My parents never understood why I always seemed like I wanted to be alone and got worried that I was depressed. “When you feel exhausted and grouchy, the last thing you want is to summon what’s left of your energy to give a lengthy explanation” (Granneman, 74), so I keep my feelings to myself and end up snapping at others, which then leads to introvert misconceptions like introverts are rude, are antisocial and hate people, when in reality, we’re just trying to take care of ourselves. Experiencing introvert hangover is not healthy for us introverts and the only cure to introvert hangover is by spending time alone.
Introverts don’t hate socializing, we just do it differently than extroverts. I avoid large parties and prefer small gatherings. And after having meaningful conversations with a small group of good friends or just one friend, I feel energized, not drained. When I share reflections, insights ad ideas and focus on internal thoughts and feelings, it feels like a more worthwhile conversation. Extroverts talk about these things too, but the actual interaction is usually more important to them than the content.
In our society, the ideal way to socialize is the way extroverts do it, trying to get as many of your thoughts out as possible within a large group of friends. Despite what society tells you, there really isn’t anything wrong with having only a few close friends. Introverts like to keep their circle of friends small because we like to dive deep. Daniel Pinkney, calls this the “all-or-nothing syndrome.” He writes, “In order to develop that degree of closeness, intimacy and freedom, a lot of time/energy needs to be expended. And therein lies the problem. If I have a friend or partner, I want to be able to give them my all, so anyone outside that small circle usually gets relegated to 'acquaintances.' If I can't give my best to any one person, I'd rather not give at all” (Granneman, 89). It’s not hard finding someone I like, but it is hard to find someone who truly gets me. But when I do, I treasure friendships like that. Introverts tend to keep their best stuff inside-quirky, fun personalities-and only let their true selves out once they feel comfortable around someone, so if you ever see that side of me, know that you’re very special. When it comes to friends, extroverts seek breadth (variety) while introverts seek depth. Now, this isn’t to say extroverts don’t seek depth and introverts don’t seek breadth, since introversion/extroversion is a spectrum, normal patterns of behavior can be broken off from sometimes. Human beings are social animals, and we need relationships to survive, whether that means having one friend or three hundred. Introverts and extroverts have both been proven to feel happier after socializing, but it’s important to understand our different methods of socializing. It never hurts to sit back and listen sometimes and this is what introverts do best. We like to observe our surroundings and really think before we say something really insightful. “Why are you so quiet?” “You should talk more.” “You’re not saying much, are you okay?” "Don't think so much." "Spit it out!" "You need to get out more." If you’ve had many people say these things to you before, chances are, you’re an introvert, and almost never are these things said in a positive way. Throughout my life, I’ve come to observe that the qualities associated with extroversion are often preferred and seen as more likable than those of an introvert. For example, being outgoing and talkative are seen as positive characteristics while being quiet and reserved are seen as negative characteristics. Because of this, people tend to misunderstand introverts and may mistake their quiet nature as being rude or antisocial. The truth is, introverts aren’t unsociable, we just socialize differently. Introverts don’t like small talk because we find it awkward and would much rather talk about something more meaningful. I for one enjoy talking about real topics like life lessons, dreams, struggles, motivations and philosophical and existential topics. But even if we are passionate about a topic, we sometimes need encouragement to speak up about ourselves because we tend to keep our thoughts, opinions and feelings to ourselves, especially around people we don’t know well. And for this same reason, introverts may struggle confronting someone about something, though this doesn’t apply to all introverts. Some can be just as blunt and confrontational as extroverts, but in general, introverts tend to shy away from conflict. Because we process information so deeply, if there is a conflict, we usually go home and think about it and then write an email or text message since it’s easier for us to write out thoughts than to say them. This is what I usually do, but I’ve always valued peoples’ feelings over the truth so I sometimes don’t speak up at all if there is a problem, but this is something I hope to change because having feelings hurt is necessary if you want change for the better. When we are in group settings, we usually don’t speak much because we don’t like to contribute to the conversation unless we feel we have something worthy of saying. A friend of mine told me that since I don’t talk much, when I do, people genuinely listen and respect my opinion and take it into consideration, which I guess is one of the perks of being quiet. Another reason introverts don’t speak as much as extroverts is because some introverts might struggle to put out thoughts into words. This is a problem I have. What happens is that the concept makes sense in my head but I can’t find the right words to translate it into, so it may come off as me not knowing what I am talking about. This happens because “information travels a longer pathway through an introvert’s brain which causes us to process information more deeply and is likely why we take longer to verbalize our thoughts” (Chung). Introverts like to be prepared and have a plan which is why writing is so much easier. There’s no pressure of giving an immediate answer! But don’t get me wrong, even introverts enjoy contributing to the conversation sometimes. Introverts are not antisocial, we do like socializing, but instead of having mindless conversations and meeting as many people as possible, we crave deep conversations and long lasting, passionate and meaningful relationships.
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AuthorRadhika Jonnadula ArchivesCategories |